Tuesday, 14 May 2013

Does Love Really Conquer All?

As children we're led to believe that 'someday our Prince will come' and that in the end, true love will conquer all evil. Even though as adults we're a little wiser and perhaps a little more cynical, we can still get trapped into thinking that our lives would be in someway better if only we had that perfect person to share it with. 'If only I had a boyfriend/girlfriend, then all of my problems would magically disappear! I'll be thinner/fitter/happier/more confident/more successful'.

(inaccurate portrayal)

It's easy to think like this, but of course it's never that simple and it's unfair to expect so much from just one person. And of course that person who you're placing so many expectations on is probably going to have failings of their own. In a sense, it's a lazy way to think about things by shifting the responsibility for your happiness onto someone else. It means you don't have to do anything about the things that are making you unhappy, as someone else will one day come along and fix it for you.

But that isn't to say that being in a relationship will not change you in any way. Of course it will, but instead of heaping all your problems onto someone else and saying 'here carry this for me, won't you?' it's about finding a way of making the load lighter for the both of you. Like in one of those weird team building exercises where you have to make a raft out of some old barrels and raggedy bits of rope. You just make it work with what you've got and laugh at the absurdity of it all.

Maybe I'm getting lost in my own analogy, but what I mean to say is stop shifting the blame for your unhappiness. Love will not ride in on a white horse and magic away all of your problems. It's about being okay enough to be there for someone else, just as much as you expect them to be there for you. It's not about passing the buck, but asking someone to be on your side and in your cheering squad. This can make whatever you're dealing with just that little bit easier.

Love does not conquer all, but it does make it a little easier to fight that dragon.


  1. "(inaccurate portrayal)" - You mean to say your boyfriend doesn't slay evil dragons for you with magic spear swords? Must be disappointing...

    That said; I think it is, as you say, lazy to think this way. Being in a relationship can and does bring much happiness to your life. But I think you need to be at least some what happy with yourself before you can venture out in to the realms of dating, at least if you hope to have any real success.
    Bring as little emotional baggage as possible into a relationship, its not fair to heap all that on to someone else, especially if you just expect them to make it all better and not try yourself. It's one thing for issues to arise once you are with someone and work as a couple to resolve them, but to bring a "wheel barrow full of crazy" in with you is hardly fair.

    1. Haha, no he doesn't. Well not every day...

      Glad you agree, I was worried about being too 'YO GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER FIRST' and all tough love-y, but I think this post is more of a reminder to myself in some ways. I didn't want to say that if you're dealing with loads of shit, no one will want the burden of you, but there's a difference between needing support and just not being willing to fight.

      Take that goddamn wheelbarrow of crazy elsewhere! Haha.

    2. Some people may read it and take it the wrong way, but to be honest what you wanted to say is very clear. If they take it that way its kind of their problem. Anyone who thinks it's fair to burden someone else and expect them to do all the work instead is delusional.

      Self improvement and fixing yourself should be a thing regardless of anything else. There is always room for improvements and such.

      #LifeLessonsWithChrisAndEmma #HashTagsOnBlogger #HashTag

    3. haha love it, maybe we could start a series? #lifelessonswithchrisandemma

  2. Haha, yes! That needs to be a thing! #LifeLessonsWithChrisAndEmma


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